3 Gentle Ways To Show Up, During A Time of Grief - By Curtis Bryant
August 30th is National Grief Awareness Day. The day's purpose is to recognize the time it takes to heal from loss. During a time, where black and brown bodies seem to be disposal and the deaths of our trans brothers and sisters, have already surpassed numbers from last year. We all are grieving one way or another.
It's important to state, that everyone grieves differently. There is not one style and you definitely can't put a time limit. Personally losing 3 family members to Covid-19 and still grieving the loss of my mother from just last year. I'm not a master of grieving but I would love to offer 3 simple suggestions, of ways to show up for someone during their time of grief.
Please apply these options with grace.
1. Listen More Than You Speak : After someone experiences loss, so many emotions invade their body and mind. Some of these emotions are familiar, while many others may be unfamiliar. Because of this overload, the person grieving may just need space to get it all out and vent. Be supportive and listen more than you speak during this time. Of course, offer affirming words and give your condolences but don't let the uncertainty of what to say, create an uncomfortable/awkward energy for you. Especially because your intentions are to be helpful.
2. Perform Acts of Service : Acts of Service is a love language for a reason. It truly has the power to let someone know, you care for them without having to speak a word. Showing up for someone, can be anything from getting groceries for them, cooking them dinner, running small errands, and/or assisting in any way possible. This is subjective to the person because again, not everyone will know what they need. Don't force your help. Offer it and if declined, respect the persons wishes unless there is major concern around their well being.
Before I share my last suggestion. I want to share the definition of grief. Grief is defined by the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical dimensions.
Based on this definition, I'm willing to say that grief isn't and shouldn't only be connected to a lost life. Grief can be experienced by the ending of a romantic relationship, a friendship, or the lost of a job. Because I acknowledge grief on a larger spectrum, my last suggestion works as a reminder, to everyone that better days are ahead.
3. Celebrate/Acknowledge The Future : Though grieving does not have a deadline, the future is still ahead of all of us. Acknowledging that there is still so much to live for and accomplish, works as great medicine. Loss often times, is how we are reminded of what's most important. This harsh wake-up call, has the ability to inspire us. If you know someone who is grieving any of the things, I have mentioned. Help them when the time is right to remember their favorite memories with a lost loved one, or to plan a fresh start with themselves after a breakup or loss of a job. Don't force your help. Offer it and if declined, respect the persons wishes and change the subject. Or as suggested, listen more than you are speaking.
I hope the these suggestions bring comfort and confidence to those, who have lost and those who love those who have lost.
